The Importance of End-of-Life Planning
Lessons from a Hollywood Tragedy
Gene Hackman was one of my favorite actors. I adored him in The Birdcage. The recent passing of Gene and his wife Betsy deeply saddens me, and as we approach National Healthcare Decisions Day on April 16th, their story offers important lessons about the critical nature of advance planning.
The Cost of Isolation
Being the sole caregiver for someone with dementia is isolating and incredibly difficult. It's heartbreaking to think that no one checked in on Betsy for two weeks. Or if someone did try, they didn't persist when they couldn't reach her. I can't help but wonder—if she had some support, would she have been able to go to her doctor for herself? Was she afraid to leave Gene alone for too long?
Why was there no support system in place? Was the stigma of dementia keeping them isolated? I truly believe that if they had a caregiver a few times a week, they both could still be alive. A caregiver might have noticed Betsy feeling unwell and encouraged her to seek medical attention. If she had passed away despite that, the caregiver could have discovered her and alerted family or authorities, ensuring Gene wasn't left alone with no oversight.
Having a Plan is Crucial
I don't know much about the Hackmans' social circle or family relationships, but what I do know is that no one should navigate caregiving alone. Had Betsy not died from the virus, what would have happened if she were in a car wreck while running errands?
A client of mine faced this exact situation—he was the sole caregiver for his wife, who was in the advanced stages of dementia. When he was involved in a bad accident and taken to the hospital, it was the neighbors who noticed his absence. His wife remained alone in the home until they reached out to us for help.
What could have been different? Having a caregiving agency in place would have made a significant difference. It would have given Betsy time to recharge and take care of herself, and the agency would have had emergency contacts and a plan of care ready.
The Conversation That Matters Most
As National Healthcare Decisions Day approaches on April 16th, I wonder how things might have been different if Gene and Betsy had talked about and shared their wishes with their POAs or loved ones. If Gene could no longer express his wishes, The Conversation Project's Guide for Caregivers of People with Dementia could have helped. Simply discussing their needs and concerns might have led someone to recognize that Betsy needed support.
National Healthcare Decisions Day: Your Call to Action
National Healthcare Decisions Day exists for exactly this reason—to inspire, educate, and empower the public about the importance of advance care planning. On April 16th, I encourage everyone to:
Have "the conversation" with your loved ones about your healthcare wishes
Complete an advance directive document
Choose a healthcare proxy who understands and will honor your wishes
Share your completed documents with your healthcare providers and family members
If you're caring for someone with dementia, reach out for support—you don't have to do it alone
We Can Do Better
Gene and Betsy's story is tragic, but it's not unique. There are countless families struggling in silence. We need to normalize conversations about end-of-life care, encourage better planning, and ensure caregivers have the support they need. No one should have to go through this alone.
What will you do this April 16th to ensure you and your loved ones' wishes are known and honored? Will you have the conversation? Complete your advance directives? Help a friend or family member with theirs? Share this post to raise awareness?
Let National Healthcare Decisions Day be the catalyst for these vital conversations. It could make all the difference for you and those you love.